A jig for the door

"Bloody hell Mick that takes some snapping out of", I still get nervous myself that's why I do it, but Thresholditis thats a different matter.

Still I think I can sort this one for you , I have an idea", "thanks Grounddiver let me get a round in", "very commendable of you Mick, mines a guinness, a double vodka chaser, a packet of cashews, oh and get me one of those clipper lighters could you, a blue one".

Nice lad old Mick Flatley

Having held this conversation with Mr.Bates a psychologist friend of mine he reckoned it was not dissimilar to dartitis, which is the inability to release ones dart from ones grip, under tournament pressure.

A trip to the plumbers merchant was in order.

"Has to be 20mm sir and capable of withstanding 17bar", "what the hell are you planning on doing with that Mr Grounddiver".

"Help someone out of the door sir".

Using a heart rate monitor two compressed air cylinders an actuator a few lengths of pipe and a tea tray, I will construct nothing short of a scared bloke launcher, thus resulting in a mandatory skydive regardless of fear factor.

For the likes of people like Brian I have simply called it the egressiator, or for the French among us (lathresh-nomoire).

Now old Jack Barton or, (he befarten) as he is well known, was the heaviest man I could find to commission this device, getting him on the launch plate was no problem, getting his heart rate to increase to a level of activation was.

It was on page 4 of Razzle that Jack succumbed to the incredible power of this machine, he came down in Thursby market trousers round his ankles, still clutching the magazine, they reckon he could do time.

She needed tweaking down a little, as Jack had covered 16 miles and I was looking at popping Mick half his weight just 6 feet.

As Mick boarded the drop aircraft the heart monitor had tried to fire the ram six times, having learnt my lesson from the light operated AAD I had included a safety catch.

Green light, Mick gives me the thumbs up, safety catch released, as the door opened his heart rate rose, the device somehow malfunctioned, Mick started to perform the bloody riverdance in the doorway.

As a result the rest of us on the aircraft started clapping in time to his dance and as he rose to his finale Mick launched himself from the door.

As far as I know, Mick still performs this ritual before every dive.