At crossed purposes

I don't know of many people who can put both feet slap bang on the DZ cross
once, never mind 3 or 4 times on the trot.
With this new invention of mine, I intend to mesmerize the DZ crowd, with a
full day of hitting the DZ cross perfectly every time.

The system uses a Cannon 200x high definition digital imaging camera, a
laptop computer, and a set of servo drives.
The camera homes in on the DZ cross, pinpoints its center and fires your
AAD, the laptop then takes this information and sends outputs to the
servos, which make steady adjustments to your toggles guiding you perfectly
to the cross center.
All you have to do is hang there and grin.
I'm so certain of its accuracy I am going to do the first drop blindfolded.

As I entered the aircraft door, I banged my head with hell of a wallop, the
pilot recommended removal of the blindfold until exit. Smart B**s**rd.

Ok Grounddiver 6000
Hell this is scary I'm relying on electronic equipment, the natural urge is
to rip off the blindfold, but I'm going to go with it.
Bleep bleep deploy,..................
I can hear the servos operating, everything appears to be under control.
Hell that's a sharp left, I can sense the ground bloody teacakes that sounds
like heavy traffic.
Bang!!!!!! what the hell..................
Ripped off the blindfold, looking down I am astride a big red cross, with a
blue flashing xenon beacon, sirens blazing, school kids were pointing and

These ambulance drivers are crazy mothers, he screeched up to the accident
and launched me what must have been 200yds upward, my chute open the servos
start to operate again, a sudden lurch to the right and slam straight
through his caravan awning, it was his final cup of OXO before he died.

It was reported to be the furthest miss in history from the dropzone cross.